Guys, do you generally prefer a woman who takes charge in the bedroom or do you like the chase? Ladies, if your guy acts super sensitive and caring, do you suddenly want to pounce on him? Dudes, when your woman shivers, do you spring into action to warm her up? Ladies, when your date has planned out the whole evening, made a reservation at that new hip restaurant you mentioned 3 weeks ago, drives the best route there, and orders your favorite drink for you, do you swoon? There are no wrong or right answers to these questions, there is only you discovering if you prefer masculine or feminine energy in your partner.
Why should these energies matter to you? Because understanding them not only allows you to improve your relationship with your body, emotions, loved ones, and actions; understanding how masculine and feminine energies play out is what keeps those passionate fires caliente! There seems to be a great big ball of confusion out there about what women want — a nice guy or a macho man? The answer is YES. Whether a woman is naturally more feminine or masculine, she wants a healthy balanced man who can exhibit both masculine and feminine energy traits — just as she can.
We all have both energies inside of us, that is why the black Yin has a dot of white and the white Yang has a dot of black. Each person has a propensity towards using either more masculine or more feminine energy traits. You can see how these traits loop back around into each other: insufficient Yin melds into excess Yang and insufficient Yang melds into excess Yin. Notice how the healthy Masculine and Feminine traits beautifully balance each other. Depression is stuck energy and stuck energy needs action so it can move.
On that same line, when you are overly active and too busy, what can bring you back to healthy balance is some quiet time and introspection. If your natural state leans more towards the masculine, a partner who exhibits more feminine energy will make your heart go pitter-pat; whether you are a man or a woman, straight or gay. A man with more feminine energy can have a happy relationship with a very feminine partner; but one of them has to bring out the masculine energy in the bedroom or that relationship will quickly devolve into a sexless friendship.
Two people with primarily masculine traits can be together, but one of them is going to have to default to feminine energy between the sheets — or those two will find themselves making war more often than love. If it is healthy happy passion you want, there has got to be polarity. Elizabeth Menzel is a best-selling author, speaker, and founder of The Happy Woman Academy, where she uses systems based in neurobiology, mindfulness, and compassion to teach women how to feel happy — even after trauma. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. He comes home from work and straight to the garage.
He no longer does family stuff with us let alone eats with us. I tell myself that he going thru a midlife crisses as he is turning 43 and hangs w 20 yr olds at car meets. Ive tried the whole getting into his hobby tho yes boring but I will take any moment with him even after him telling me he has no interest in what I do! Ya…im so lost right now…I feel like I dont know him anymore…. And spends a fortune on it too. Then after a few months, he moves on to the next thing. And so on and so forth.
I have tried what this article says many times. It works for a week or two then he goes right back to his obsession.
I just wish he could put a quarter of that obsessive energy into us. Has anyone found any other working solutions or compromises to this obsessive behavior? So glad to hear from other women going through the same. I feel like he picks racing over everything, everytime. I am so alone within our relationship. I have stop working full time and enjoy working part-time as I am sick of seeing our hard earn cash being blindly splurged into HIS hobby. Tough tough one…. We have 2 boys 10 and 10 months. Music… He makes and produces music.
Hes got friends and people who pay him 20 there 50 here. Basically his cigs and gas. And time! After the second baby I feel he is not a worker or a provider….. At the moment he is only making a week. He knows how to manipulate me by using the love I have for him. God knows I love him and I want it to work. I just cant get over the resentment. My husband is obsessed with baseball, basketball, tennis, golf, horse racing, harness and throughbred, hockey, just anything that has sports attached. He does not participate in any sport outside our home. Our entire married life has been scheduled around who or what is playing or going on.
He has gotten worse as he has aged.
Our sex life became non-existent within 1 year of our later in life marriage. He was 53, never married, no children, and no steady career. After 6 years of college, he drove a truck, mainly, I believe, because he could not watch sports if he worked a job. So he changed jobs frequently. I sometime, most of the time, feel like I took on the role of his mother.
I am here because I had financial stability, and do the other mundane day to day chores. My children love him, he is a good man, kind, notice I left out loving, because his love of life is sports. I have told him many times, the Cardinals, Blues, etc will not care or even have a moment of silence when he passes,. Would I marry him again? Absolutely not. He is so closed to life, we never travel together, he stays home to watch sports. I was given a nice package for 10 days, when I retired to a vacation in the Smokies. He went, and spent the entire time on the couch trying to get ball games on the TV.
He did not once get into the hot tub or jacuzzi. When we went siteseeing, he stopped at a bar so he could watch sports, and told me to go ahead and see the sights, he would meet me at the bar when I was done. There are many more things, I am just too old and tired to move on. I need help. My husband has a very obsessive personality. When we were dating it was a computer game and as silly as it sounds, it came down to me or the game because he would invite me over to watch a movie but he would sit at his computer and game out while I was supposed to watch the movie. Thankfully he chose me.
But then he just dives into something else. Fast forward 13 years. We have now been married for 11 years and have two daughters ages 7 and 5. My husband has always enjoyed playing disc golf but due to his work schedule he was never really able to play much. Well his schedule has changed and we recently moved close to a course. He asked if he could join a disc golf league where they play every Monday night. I agreed to that because after all, he deserves to have a hobby.
When he goes he is gone for hours at a time. After all, he works all week and the evenings are filled with making supper and bathing children, etc. I spend all week alone with the kids and I want to spend time as a family on the weekends. He turns it around and tells me to go do something to get away from the kids then. I told him that when i agreed he could do league I was under the impression that it would be a once a week thing and that is it. I think what upsets me most is that he is out having fun with people that are half his age.
They are all without kids and families and he is pushing He turned it around and told me to come with them then. I just want him home with us. Am I being selfish? How can I talk to him about this without it turning into a fight? We took the girls fishing and put on happy faces for the girls but it was very uncomfortable. Then he goes on that evening like nothing ever happened. We seem fine now, but I know it will be an issue again this weekend. Sorry for the book but it felt good to write this all out.
I have been battling this same issue with my wife for several months now, and have been going to counseling as we also fight about this very thing my hobby is yard work though -not disc golf. I will share a suggestion from our counselor. We are a family with 4 children 17,11,3,1 , been married for 5 years. My wife is a stay at home mom and I work full time so the weekday nights are consumed by dinner and the kids.
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Come the weekend, I want to get out and work on a project. Saturday morning comes and my wife and kids will be hanging out in the house watching tv, on their devices, etc so sometimes I take this as an opportunity to get some work done in the house or yard, so will naturally navigate towards that. I tell her she should get out of the house, even telling her she can have her time to do something she likes while I watch the kids — but she never does. I like to plan things in advance, bot be spontaneous. So when nothing is happening around the house, I find a project and this upsets her even when nothing is going on.
I just want the freedom to do the things I want, and her to do the things she wants. I despise her because of how she treats me in these scenarios and how it makes me feel and how it impacts our relationship. So we discussed this issue with our counselor. NOW what our counselor said: I need to always schedule both family and date nights every week and make her feel important like I did when we were dating — this is why she is being critical of me because she is not getting her time with me!
I need to make her feel more important than any project. I need to step up and continually chase and court her, forever. We should always be thinking of the other person, and that means not only allowing them to enjoy the things they want to do, but being supportive and not critical if it. It is a give and take scenario, a balance, showing love and support for one another.
Pray for us! You sound miserable in your marriage. Is he interested in your children or grandchildren? There surely has to be something you both like, maybe you could nurture that and spend more time together without the sports. Have you thought of couples counseling? He says he is provider and I could do what I want with my time.
Of course when he was courting me it was all different. It is very hard to deal with this. I have cried so much because I feel so rejected. It is next to impossible to engage when she is on it, and I feel at times that she values it more than time we can spend together. Thank you so much for these useful tips on how to approach an overwhelming hobby. Please pray that I can share my feelings in a gentle and humble way and that we can come up with some possible solutions to make the most of our time together while still giving her her needed time with her phone. If you need to talk to her while she is on the phone — try sending her a text message and ask for a date or appointment.
Ask her to try to limit her addiction? Then see if she can do it. I hope you can help cut the cord to the device or at least ease the use of it. Thank you so much for your insight into this important subject. It definitely contributed to the conflict in my previous marriage as my former wife was consumed with her gardening and crafts and showed no interest in me or working on resolving our conflicts. I could have done better getting involved in her passion for her hobbies but was physically and emotionally drained by my work and the conflict in our marriage.
I had no energy left. It takes both to recognize and problem solve. It looks like there are several couples who have or are currently struggling to get a spouse to become engaged in time with them, and we certainly included in that number. My husband and I have been married 27 years and it has always been this way for us. Twice it has wrecked my health to the point of resigning form a teaching job in the middle of the year, and then about 15 years ago after we opened our own business and were putting in about 16 hours a day.
My husband is very work and performance oriented and is highly intelligent and loves to read, learn and also invent things, so it has been a very lonely marriage for us at times. We love the Lord and each other but I have prayed for many years that God would lead us to the right books, counselors, conferences,etc. I have also prayed for wisdom and renewal o four love relationship, as sometimes it just feels like we run our business as partners but only live as room-mates. We really desire to treat them right and make provision for the long-term employees, etc.
It can be really challenging to juggle all the competing priorities we are faced with daily—managing the home, kids, our jobs and marriage. The only way we can be successful is to prioritize and be intentional about carving time for our marriage. It is tough but it can be done. May God give us the wisdom to make the right decisions, as we handle the many challenges life brings. Thanks for the insights! Great info unless you are a man and your hobby happens to be house cleaning.
Actually,you are wrong. My boyfriend is obsessed with doing house projects, yard projects, basement projects, and chores. He even bought a head light so he could continue working through the night until 5 am in the yard or fence that he made with sticks.
He makes me feel stupid and lazy. This is my husband. I explained my concerns when we were pregnant with our daughter, and he said he understood. However, he never did anything about it. I would have said no thanks! That is my husband too. We are both retired so he only does it during daylight hours fortunately. But he is constantly working on a project in the yard or the house, or garage or shed.
I am so grateful for reading all these other stories. I thought I was the only one and, of course, I thought I was the one with the problem because I want to spend time with him doing things as a couple. It must be an addictive personality and I think connected to depression as well. Luckily at our age there are no children to worry about. A lot of you have it way worse than me but now at least I understand it a bit better. I guess I either put up with it or leave. Me and my husband have been married for almost 2 yrs now. His hobby is RC cars and messing around in the garage.
I go to the races with help him get stuff packed in his number one fan. The problem is I give support and even act interested in the cars but he never give support back to me. He will stay out in the garage till 3am sometimes. He thinks I should always come out there. Another problem is I will text him and he never replies but his friends text and he replies real quick top them. How do I fix these problems?
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Give me some ideas. The boys 5.
I feel like the only person with sense in my home. My husband is the same with RC boats. He even gave his job up to spend more time sailing them. I have to foot all the bills to run our house. He even orders for his friends RC boats and expects me to pay for them out of my money until they pay him back. If I protest he is being unfair he flies into a rage. He even wanted to go out with his single mates sailing them on Christmas Day leaving me on my own. I wish I had known about all this before I married him.
I am trapped in a very lonely life. My husband of 7 years is obssessed with playing softball. Playing or practicing at leadt 3 nights a week and playing tournaments every weekend that take up almost all of the weekend. When he is not playing ball he is at work or sitting his chair playing on his phone or watching tv. There is little to no interaction with me. Sometimes very little interaction with his 6yr old daughter.
I have expressed my issues, concerns and despair many ways, many times and only get defensiveness and anger or major attitude back. So I know I ha e gone about it all wrong. My question is, how do I approach him now without him immediately becoming defensive? I have the same exact problem with my husband playing softball, so we are going to do couples therapy.
When we are spending time together he is bullshiting with his teammates via text or planning for his next tournament. I am fed up! Playing or practicing at least 3 nights a week and playing tournaments every weekend that take up almost all of the weekend. Please research aspergers syndrome. My husband and I have been married for 14 years. He has an obsessive personality. I cycle too, but I stay home with my 2 girls while he goes riding.
He also counts steps religiously. He works out after work instead of coming straight home b. It annoys the crap out of me.. Selfish spouses should be taken to task for their selfish behaviors. I think women put up with way too much. Many women know the nature of the guy they are going to marry and marry them anyway even if they display too much selfishness.senrei-exorcism.com/images/tracking/top-cell-monitoring-app-lg-v40.php
13 Ways To Keep the Thrill in Your Relationship | Psychology Today
Not smart ladies! Hold out for someone like that. After all, its so easy for them to not need you. Think about that. Haha right. I was in a car accident broke my collarbone bone my hubby was so obsessed with building a fence. He didnt notice was calling, he didnt even bother to come to the ER. He didnt thinm i was serious about the car accident. So I sit and wait for his one or two days home …in the same house, wondering if new paint would cheer me up.
What I need is a way to cope. I am on the opposite side of this issue. I have a hobby that I love. It brings me joy and keeps me physically active. I also have met some wonderful people that have become my friends. I spend one to two hours a day 6 days a week on my hobby. My husband is the one that hates it. I am home all the time other than those few hours a day. I work on our family business from home and get a lot of work done daily.
I do all the laundry, work in our office invoices, organize jobs, make calls, enter all job information, emails, pay invoices, do the taxes, etc. I organize and pay all the bills, keep the house clean, care for our kids and home school my youngest that is I go golfing with my husband and go to car events with him as well. I ask him to go do things together to make sure he knows I want to spend time with him. He has quads and goes camping and I go too. Sometimes he goes with just his friends and I encourage that. We live in a small guest house and bought a 20 acre farm four years ago to build a house.
Honestly, I am totally fine with that. I love cars too. I love my husband and want him to do what he enjoys. He has over 30 cars and motorcycles. He had a friend of his move into a trailer on our property to work on his cars. I talk to him about the cars and his golf. I do not feel I am being hard or selfish in any way. He does work very hard; he is a General Contractor and his work gets very hectic. I try to support him through that as much as I can. It is unrealistic really. Unless it was something truly damaging to someone.
As long as you make time and love each other it should work out fine. For me when I see him building his cars or golfing it makes me happy because it makes him happy! But mutual respect for ones passion should also be respected — in my circumstances anyway……. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and initially what brought us together was a shared enjoyment of a number of outdoor hobbies: hiking, biking, skiing.
Over time he has surpassed my skills in each of these departments and has discovered he enjoys doing this with other hard-core guys, particularly skiing, and almost always leaves me at home. This is crushing on several fronts. Your fiance made this clear to you when he refused to discuss options and called you jealous of his time. I wish I had done that. Nina I am in a very similar boat. Everything we used to do together, now he is better and just keeps stepping up the danger factor. And I consider myself a pretty great athlete! Who will stay home with the dogs after all…?
My Soon to be X-husbands hobby is collecting World War 2 nazi memeroabila. While he is not a neo nazi he says he has like the this time period for the history.
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He started at 17 so i knew what i was getting into a little bit when marrying him. But my god the whole office was filled with this stuff from jackets to hats, to medals etc and he also collected guns he never went out and fired. He buys the stuff and sells if for more to make a profit but he has always spent more time on the phone and iPad looking at stuff day in and day out, he goes to this show of shows in St.
Louis and meets up in this big arena of old guys selling there stuff. When he is deployed he would make purchases and send them to the house and i had to open the boxes and show him the stuff when it came in, i always thought that was very selfish of him due to the fact that we have children that need to be tended to no this hobby stuff.
Then every time we would move in the military like overseas he could not bring the stuff with him so he would make this long drive with his stuff to his parents house to leave it there and when came back to the states he would make the trip to pick it up. He was definitely obsessed and still is, he just sprung the divorce stuff on me four days after I retired from the military he was not man enough to tell me he went to a divorce lawyer.
So i had to live with him for two months at home with our girls before he took off to Fort Carson for his dream job in the Army , it was a living hell. I would watch him pack up his miltary collection which he left in the middle of the hallway as a reminder to us that he was leaving us. Now he is in Fort Carson and has set up his stuff in his small apartment. He is a selfish self absorbed narcissist with this sick obesssion. This hobby as far as i am concerned was a deal breaker and i am glad the stuff is out of the house i have always thought it was bad luck and had bad energies attrached to it.